The Faults In Our Series
by FantasyFan5
Summary: What happened to continuity in Maximum Ride? What about character development or a lack of plot holes? If you love Maximum Ride, are frustrated by these questions, and want a laugh, this is for you. A parody in poem form of everything that went wrong in our beloved series. One-shot, rated for language.


**A/N: I've been a fan of Maximum Ride since the beginning, and the direction that the series took really just made me sad – like a lot of fans. But then, as books 6-8 were published, I went from being sad to angry. Seriously? This is what became of a series that was so good? What happened to continuity, to well-written characters, to a coherent plot?**

**So instead of ranting to friends who never read the books, I decided to channel my frustration into a creative outlet. And so "The Faults in Our Series" was born. Title is a play on the excellent John Green novel **_**The Fault in Our Stars; **_**fic is inspired by the Harry Potter fic "A Mary Sue Alphabet" by irony-chan. **

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Maximum Ride or anything associated with it. I do, however, own this crappy poetry, so steal it and die.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**THE FAULTS IN OUR SERIES**

* * *

**A **is for **Angel**

A quite creepy girl

Who will mess with your head

And make your thoughts whirl

She's also the Voice in dear Max's mind

Yeah, it makes no sense

Try to forget it with time.

**B **is for **Brigid**

Who for some reason likes Fang

Isn't she twenty-something?

Has she no shame?

The readers are told that she's really quite smart

And that's true, I suppose,

If flirting's a lost art.

**C **is for **Chu**

Seriously, who the hell are you?

No, really, he came from out of the blue.

**D **is for **Dylan**

You sonuvabitch

Just the sound of your name makes me start to itch

I really don't care about your sea-blue eyes

What, did you want me to give you a prize?

You're always stuck to Max like glue

And completely, _utterly _a Gary Stu.

**E **is for **Erasers**

Who we _thought _were retired

Before they reappeared with all-new ire

They seem to exist only to chase after our guys

Plot device, you say?

No, that _can't _be, use your eyes!

**F **is for **Fang**

That mysterious bird-boy

Who after pages of buildup dropped Max like a toy

We all know you love her

For pages you drone

So why, WHY are you with her clone?

**G **is for **Ghostwriter**

Who tried to be Max

But utterly failed

She couldn't even write Fax

Not to mention all of the continuity probs

_Obviously _the economy was low on jobs.

**H **is for **Holden**

Part of Fang's Gang

He heals super fast

Without even a pang

His power seems just a little too perfect…

But whatever, the series is already wrecked

It's not like one change would have any effect.

**I **is for **Iggy**

Who's technically blind

But can see when it's white!

And feel colors in a bind!

J.P., I like you

Really, I do

But there's no reason for Iggy to feel the color blue.

**J **is for **James Patterson**

Who started it all

And then stood by idly, watching it fall

Continuity was tossed away to the side

The personalities of characters died

And all the fans fell to the ground and cried.

**K **is for **Kate**

Who's incredibly strong

And then betrays Fang

As though nothing was wrong

She comes from private school!

She's pretty to boot!

Oh, my god, I can't do this

MARY SUE MARY SUE

**L **is for **Laughter**

Since that's all that we've got

If we laugh,

We can pretend that there's a good plot.

**M **is for the incredible, indescribable, **Maximum Ride**

Who started off well

And then became a bit snide

After eight books she didn't even save the world

But so what, she got her man!

Make. Me. Hurl.

**N **is for **Nevermore**

The adventure's last tale

Reading it made me want to wail

Unlikable characters!

Plot holes galore!

For the love of all that's literary,

Show the ghostwriter the door.

**O **is for **Opportunity**

Full to the brim

So we clicked for the fourth book

It wasn't a whim

Alas, we had high expectations

And after that travesty –

We all need vacations.

**P **is for **Plot**

Which tries to be good

But eventually fails

It's boring as wood.

**Q **is for **Questions**

Which we still have a lot of

Why all the random powers?

Will Dylan find love?

I guess we know one thing

Absolutely for sure

There are no answers

(And there never were.)

**R **is for **Ratchet**

Poor kid's got no luck

His name's slang for 'stupid'

Seriously, what the fuck?

**S **is for **Star**

Graced with super speed

She also betrays Fang

But of reason takes no heed

She and Kate are two peas in a pod

Fitting,

Since they're as interesting as pieces of sod.

**T **is for **Total**

Who at first was okay

But then he grew _wings_

Readers cried, "Oy vey!"

But oh, wait, that wasn't all,

Then he got _married._

I'll be crying in a stall.

**U **is for **Uber-Director**

The stupidest name

Only thrown in to shake up the game

He's supposed to be threatening

How, I don't know

Unless his box is just for show.

**V **is for **Valencia**

Our heroine's mother

Writers can't decide

Is she this, that, or the other?

Is she good? Is she evil?

Readers never know.

Forget it, can we just go play in the snow?

**W **is for **Why?**

A question the writers seem to ignore.

Actions lack reasons!

Character development's a bore!

The readers, however, constantly cry,

"WHYYYYY?"

**X **is for **X-Factor**

Which the first 3 books have

There was action and plot

And let's not forget Fax!

But as for the last five,

"The Protectors," they're called

I'd rather they didn't exist at all.

**Y **is for **Yammer**

All Nudge does is talk

But when it came to being normal

She was forced to balk

But does the writer develop her?

Does she get a moment to shine?

Nope.

All they ever let her do is whine.

**Z **is for **Zephyr**

Alias of The Gasman

His character's neglected

Was writing him banned?

Guess his development was tossed aside

In favor of the Caribbean Sea blue tide.


End file.
